Thank you for your comments.

yes, since i dont feel in love with him, it could be i see his normal desire to be with me as being too needy. i didnt think about that.

i've come to think it all spins around this: he being (or me perceiving him as) too needy. he and his gestures of love dont repluse me for themselves but for what they mean to me: need, possessiveness, and giving me too much responsibility for his own happiness.

i've learned the hard way how these things can scar forever, how much they can hurt, how they can lead to living hell and as soon as i see signs that could lead there i panic and pull away. feel mad and disgusted.

today, after we had a good long chat yesterday night and i expressed my fears about his neediness, he behaved differently. i could sense his neediness gone, and i felt differently about him. more like i used to feel at the beginning of the relationship and it felt GOOD. i hope this is the key, a turning point that will bring us closer and i'll end up letting myself feeling in love with him. maybe i've just been too scared. i hope so.

i know this is not what you all suggested me to do, but thank you for your opinions.