My life is complete crap right now. I don't know what to do. I came home from school because my mother basically forced me to. I wanted to stay at school and take summer classes, but she wouldn't let me and threatened to have me withdrawn from school if I tried to stay, which she can do because I am/was suicidal. I at least thought people would be kind and understanding to me when I got home, since my suicide attempt at this point was only a month and a half ago. It seems like no one is even interested in helping me now.

I don't get it, everyone was so caring and kind before, and now I'm treated like a burden. It just makes me feel worse, and I've gone back to other self destructive coping methods because of it, and it's obvious but no one notices those things either. I can't afford my medications, but no one is willing to help me. Money is tight in our house, therefore food is tight, but if I pay for my own food everyone else will eat it without caring, but if it's food bought with our joint money and food stamps, I get yelled at for having a glass of milk. I am trying to get the job that I go back to every summer, but even they are being unresponsive, so there's no way I can afford anything.

This isn't a "I want to kill myself right now" post, but in some ways I wish I had succeeded and not sought help when I made the suicide attempt before. My life just seems a million times worse than it did the day of my attempt, and I can't handle it and I don't know what to do. I never sleep more than 2 hours a night, and I'm scared that the lack of sleep is hurting me, I always have a headache, feel nauseous, panicky, depressed, etc. and no one cares. I feel like to get anyone to even look in my direction and realize how bad things are for me is to do something drastic to myself again, but I don't want to take it that far. I should be able to deal with this in a more appropriate way, but I don't know what to do.

My mom lost her medicare, and she has more important medications than me that she can't afford, so I feel like I'm being selfish in wanting help too but at the same time she doesn't even try to see if I'm okay or just have a casual conversation with me. I spend 98% of my time sitting alone in my room and no one even cares. I have no friends here, no one to talk to, and my loneliness is just becoming so overwhelming. My brother and his girlfriend live here too, and I thought I was close with them, but now even if they go swimming or to the movies, they don't even ask me if I want to join them or anything.

This is long, but I just sort of had to get it off my chest. Usually I feel better after writing, but I still don't feel too much better now. I have so much emotional pain built up from my past, and all of this recent stuff from just since I've been home is only adding to it and increasing my pain. I don't know how I can take it.