Hello Niefel: Well... from my perspective... what you're experiencing is every man's dilemma. We all want to marry the most gorgeous woman in all the world! It's just that, in your case, it has become a debilitating compulsion.

The male desire to be with a gorgeous female is, to my way of thinking, deeply rooted in the evolutionary process. Men are genetically programmed to desire beautiful women because, at it's most basic level, great beauty is equated with good health. And a healthy female has the best chance for producing healthy offspring... thus ensuring the survival of the male's genetic material. It's all just nature's way of ensuring the survival of the species.

There is such a thing as a "sex-selected trait". In other words, this is a trait that, through the evolutionary process, becomes tied to the reproductive process & thus to the survival of the species. The perfect example of this is the peacock's tail. The peacock's tail is so large that it is actually a detriment to the peacock's survival. It makes it more difficult for the animal to escape predators. However, through evolution, the size of the peacock's tail has come to be interpreted, by pea hens, as a sign of health & vigor. So, as a result, the tail has grown to its present size.

The point is, you're not weird or warped or anything of that sort. You simply have a problem that is shared by all men as a result of the evolutionary process. ( Human beings are, after all, just another species of animal.) It's just that in your case, this natural desire has become an overwhelming compulsion. This is where therapy comes in. You need to figure out, to the extent it is possible, what has caused this. But, more important, you need to learn ways of managing it. This is a process that requires skill, time & effort.

I know you wrote that you saw a therapist & it didn't help. It can take time & effort to find a therapist you "click" with. And it can also take time to develop a working relationship with a therapist you do click with. So my thinking, with regard to this, is to keep trying. And in the meantime, see if you can change the way you're looking at your situation. It's not going to be a cure, but it may make it a bit more tolerable until such time as you find the help you need.