Thank you sister, tranquility, lemon, perna, and ECHOES for your comments and support.

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Do you think this will affect your individual work with T? I hope not, as it seemd you two had a special bond.

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Sister, you're right, we do have a very special bond. It is part of what is making the couples therapy possible. I don't know if what is happening will affect our individual work or not, and actually am not too concerned about that right now. Bigger fish to fry...

I do have an individual session scheduled for this week so I'll see how that goes. T and I have a strong bond so I'm not going to get worried about it breaking, I'm just going to trust in it. It's funny how all the angsting I've done in the past about my relationship with my T seems so trivial now. I feel like the bigger problems are now drawing my attention, and well they should. The bond with T will just have to do, be good enough, and I am relying without question on the trust I feel we developed in the past. If the bond breaks, it breaks. I can't stress about that. I'm busy doing the couples work. If anyone needs to worry about our bond, I'll let T have the honor.

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Sometimes the T is right and it hurts other times they are just off base.

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Thanks for that comment, tranquility. I do tend to idealize my T, so it is good to keep in mind that he doesn't always do the perfect thing in session. I'm sorry for your difficult experience in your own couples therapy.

Lemon, interesting what you wrote about trauma and couples therapy. I'm sorry for what you experienced. ((((hugs))) Somehow it strikes my funny bone that maybe in the future I'll have to have counseling to undo the trauma from couples therapy! (Not trying to make light of your past hurt, Lemon.) I guess this is what keeps therapists in business. You have one set of Ts to traumatize clients and then another set of Ts to work with clients on their therapy trauma.

Perna, I did express my anger/hurt in therapy and did communicate my feelings (ha, ha, maybe too vehemently!), so your comments on that did not fit (about being the good girl, etc.). That problem may dog some people--perhaps you've had trouble with that yourself--but it was not a part of our therapy session. We are working toward a specific goal in therapy and with my present state could not work effectively in the next session.

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How is cancelling your session now, with no "discussion" help you?

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Perna, do you mean discussion of cancelation with my husband? Actually, I did share my feelings about this with my husband, and it turned out he too was not ready to go back. (Hey, we were on the same page about something!) The session would have been counter-productive, and we don't want that. So we agreed it was best if I called to cancel. The time between sessions was just too short, only 5 days, and we were just barely starting to talk to each other again. We do have to do some work on our own--can't depend on the sessions for everything. I feel strongly that we will be ready to work again with T next week. We have to. Neither of us wants to bail on the process and stay married. For me, the processing is still going on, and things are making more and more sense with each day. There really is so much value in the time away from therapy and I want to give that time a chance to work. The saying, "most of therapy happens outside of therapy," is so true.

ECHOES, your comments are always so supportive and right on. Thank you.