This thread is for those who need to talk to someone about their intrusive thoughts. Sometimes it just helps knowing you are not alone.

I have two thought patterns circling currently.

1. Is that I can't pass the class I'm enrolled in now. I failed it once already last year because I became manic. I feel like there is something about this class that is triggering for me, but I can't figure it out. Counseling and Substance Abuse? On a wider scale I feel like I will be a terrible counselor, will hate my job, and it will wreck havoc on my mental health. And that is IF I can get past the training process.

2. Is that I am in love with my husband's best friend. This one comes and goes, but was the main thing that led to my first manic phase. I just want to stop thinking about it, but as long as he's over at our house several times a week, it's going to continue to be a problem. I've tried to think of him as the big brother I've always wanted but never had, but it feels like my husband is even jealous of that, and uses it to tear me down. I don't want to hurt my husband, but my feelings are what they are. I just love them both so much. I can't understand why that is so wrong. I want to hug him, hold him, he calms me down every time he's near and he was the only one who 'got' me in the middle of mania, but I know that it's never going to be that way. I tried being honest with my husband about it but he shot me down, which I suppose is no surprise living in the society that we do. It just hurts me so bad, I want to cut myself sometimes...I just want proof...to be able to see and to show how much this hurts me. I'm trying to distract myself because it tends to blow over after a few weeks. I just feel like I'm holding on to a tree in a hurricane trying not to be blown away right now.