First off, she is a friend. I've hung out with her for several years and I'm older than she is and probably should know better. As the story goes I was reluctant to start a relationship because she was younger and well I'm not the most aggressive person when it comes to romance. Now she is with someone else and it's killing me. I did not realize how much she meant to me until she actually told me she was dating someone. I don't know what I looked like when she told me but I'm sure it looked a little psycho. She doesn't attempt to see me much lately because when I'm around her I'm a babbling idiot. I think she knows she broke something - I wish she would say something but her new man has become her focus and she doesn't think about me much anymore - ouch! Most days I walk around in this weird otherworldly haze - is anything real anymore and do I care. The couch is something I hold onto for dear life - I'm afraid if I move I will disappear forever. I want to scream at strangers how I feel - I don't want to be a ghost to her. Don't get me wrong - I've been here before. I'm hoping I don't give up. Death feels so real - do I ever learn.