I don't see that as selfish at all. Every human being on earth can be seen as selfish to some degree or another, but it has to be that way, because nobody lives our life. We do what we have to do to live with ourselves, even when we help others, it's to help ourselves in the process.

The times you focused solely on yourself and your pain, was because you just couldn't ignore it any more for the sake of others, to put on a brave face for them.

When you think of your situation with your grandmother, where you said "screw it" you won't be here for the fallout, there are many who do similar things in life - they run away, take a trip, go and live in another country and never return to their people, they don't necessarily kill themselves. If you were truly showing the epitome of selfishness there, you wouldn't even have thought about her at all.

I think the only time a suicide is really selfish, is when the person has committed some kind of crime and then takes their own life because they can't deal with going to prison or whatever. But, even then one cannot judge that to be the sole reason either, these things all culminate in suicide.

Taking one's own life is a serious decision. I think it would go about much more than just proving some kind of point or spiting someone, which tend to be selfish motives.

I just can't see how the last thoughts of someone just before they do it can be "Hah, I'm going to deprive all of you of my presence!" I would have thought someone who thinks that way would stick around because they like playing games with people and I wouldn't see that person as very unhappy.