I am confused! I recently split from my husband after finding out that he has been using porn, dating websites and webcams again. This isn't the first time that I have caught him. He begged for my forgiveness and promised me that he would never use them again but he never stopped. I feel like our whole lifetime together has been a lie. I thought that we were so happy together. I was in a love bubble and never saw this coming. I feel disgusted that he would risk our beautiful family for a life of porn. Although he swears that he hasn't cheated on me with an actual person, his emails from these dating sites prove that he wanted to, even if he didn't actually meet up. The email that I read he was asking for her postcode. We have had many arguments over this. He has admitted that he has an addiction and is finally getting help, attending saa and is on anti depression meds and is starting counselling this week. My life is in such turmoil at the moment. I can't eat, sleep or stop crying. He came over last week and one minute we were crying together, the next, I was snogging his face off which has completely freaked me out. I hate him but I also love him with all my heart. I thought we had a fantastic life. I am attentive and take care of his needs. He was my soulmate and now I don't know where to turn. I am ashamed to tell my best friend my feelings as I know she would be disappointed with me. She picked up the pieces the last time he did this and hates him now with a vengeance. Kissing him again has turned my head upside down. How can I have done this when I hate him so much. I come across as this strong minded woman but in fact I am needy and pathetic. I AM SO CONFUSED!