Man, it sounds like you have been through a lot and I can't even begin to tell you how to cope with what you have been through. Are you currently seeing a therapist or a psychologist? They may be able to assist you in positive coping mechanisms and help you out of this depression you seem to be in.

I hope that others here (I'm sure there are) have been where you are at and can assist you right now with some ideas on how to cope, but in the meantime, I would look for some professional advise as well. Stay strong my friend. You aren't alone here.