I've been told by several T's that I have a damaged inner child. In short, I don't play well with others. Never have. And, I rarely smile.

I do recall as a child that my mom told me that I was being raised to be an adult from the start because she believed that childhood was unnecessary. She made me her gopher; I was instructed to behave and give her no problems. I did as I was told. My father spent no time with me. As I grew up, the treatment of my mother was still intended to stunt my growth. I was not encouraged to date, in fact, she never said a word encouraging it. Instead I was told that I should take care of her and, after she died, "I could do whatever I wanted." Mom was cold and never hugged her children - she did not believe that hugs were necessary. She also had a temper and was often verbally abusive. She didn't like or want to teach me anything. With this parenting, I was considered weird by other kids and never fit in.

Also, I had no playmates and no friends. And, no toys. I vaguely recall being in the playpen with the radio on while Mom did other things. There were few books and I have no recollection of being read to. Meeting other children was traumatic because I did not know how to behave or what to say. I still don't.

T's have bought be crayons and told me to buy a coloring book. That just made me annoyed. How do I learn to be fun when I spent my childhood by myself and taught all the wrong things? Being a child is somewhat instinctive yet I seem to have none of that instinct in my personality.