Hi eggplantlife. It sounds as though you are really working and trying to help yourself as best you can. I like your suggestion of books. I may try to locate these books and read them too. I also am in a low paying job with very poor insurance benefits which means I cannot afford a psychiatrist or therapy so I have to do this on my own.

I had started reading Dr. David Burns' book "Feeling Good" but did not get very far with it. I need to get back to it. It reads a little like stereo instructions but I think if I stick with it and do the exercises it will help.

I think I just need to work up the motivation to do stuff. After 11 hour workdays I come home and tend to flop on the couch. I wish I could overcome being so tired. I am still battling the flu. I came home from church today, took an anti-histamine for the congestion and went to sleep for 2 hours!

I am hoping that you find something that works for you and is helpful. I understand about trying to change things in a work situation. I need to do that as well. It isn't always easy finding a new job or learning a new career but it can be done. I agree with working on the depression first though. I think if we don't conquer depression it just follows us to the next job or next situation.

Wishing you all the best. Don't forget, you have friends here.