You're struggling with being honest or people being honest with you? Honesty is a funny thing. It's a double edged sword. People will always lie to be "nice" and to be "civilized" and not to upset anyone nor cause conflict- there's no getting around that.
Sorry about your loss. I'm sure the first year is going to be devastating to you. I hope you pull through it okay. You'll have us here if you need the support.