Slowly increased agitation. I tend to wonder how I was alive before the meds but then I wonder if I am able to get off the meds if I want to. I wonder what would happen.

It's like blinding myself and then I slowly start to regain my sight. I rely too much on the meds I feel to function. If I don't have the meds I become non-functioning and things become hard to bare. Does this make me like a drug addict. Though I think drug addicts were able to function before the drugs. Meanwhile I never functioned properly to start with. I never left the house. Always felt intense paranoia. It was bearable but I never wanted to actually do things. It got worse with the isolation.

I feel like I'm built upon a stack of cards and at any point my house could collapse.

I don't feel safe.