For the past two years I’ve become a observer of life rather than a participant. It’s not like I wasn’t before, but now it’s become very apparent. I don’t have a social life and love life. I still live with my family, even though I’m in university. But over the years I’ve become very distant with them. I can small talk and keep shallow relations with my family(nuclear and extended), but I’m not very close with most of them. Five years ago this was my biggest nightmare, to end up like this. Back then was my rock bottom. I was depressed , because I thought that I would end up alone for the rest of my life. My social anxiety was at the highest point.At one point I thought that maybe I should quit high school. But now I don’t feel anything. I’m not getting depressed as much as I used to. I sleep ok, I’m not losing weight, I can keep my concentration better than could when I was in middle school. I don’t feel anxious when I’m walking in a crowd, when someone talks to me etc. In fact now I feel anxious only when I have to speak with authority figures, like proffesors. I’ve realized that I’ve become metaphorically speaking invisible. The thing that I don’t understand is how calm I am. I gave up on my hopes and dreams. I literally have no idea what’s important to me anymore. I don’t know what keeps me going. I guess now my problem is that I would rather daydream and fantasize than live my life. And the fuel for my fantasies are either real situations I’ve observed or characters from books or movies. I don’t have the imagination to create my own fantasy worlds. When I get bored and can’t get new material for my fantasies, that’s when I get depressed. Every now and then , reality strikes me that I can’t live like this for the rest of my life. Then I think that I should change and make an effort. But when I do try, I realize that these past 10 years I’ve alienated myself from my peers and don’t have the same perspective on life. I think that maybe I could find the strenght to try harder to make social connections with people if I let go of living inside my head. I just don't know how.