I'm sorry to hear that you are having a tough time. From your post it seems that you are depressed, but I can understand being that way one day and being fine the next.

My counselor does think I cycle with the seasons, but I can go down at anytime and come back up just as quick. I take meds that help me stay somewhere in between but sometimes they don't entirely do the job, leaving me in limbo.

I don't think I have any friends either take understand just how confusing it can be. At least, my pdoc and therapist do seem to understand, but when I'm depressed I don't see it as objectively and tend to focus on the negative. And when I'm depressed fighting off the suicidal thoughts is harder. So I hear what you are saying.

As far as dating, I wouldn't know much about that, so may some others can add something in that area. I just know that relationships are hard when you are bipolar. I'm married, but it has been a rocky road and I'm afraid for my husband it's a lot like riding a roller coaster.

Hopefully, you will learn to ride the waves. It takes a little practice and therapy helps.