Well, I don't know for sure, to be honest with you. I think a lot of people assume that if you have learned someone is unhealthy to be around, not being around them is the same as holding a grudge. I can relate to your story about your father because mine was also abusive. If he were to die, I honestly wouldn't care. I have no love for him. He has apologized for his past behavior, which is great, but he hasn't changed and I did give hm a fair shot to try to be in my life again. I decided against maintaining a relationship with him because he's a sociopath. There is no grudge involved.

Unlike my brothers, who I DO have a grudge against because they say stupid crap at family holidays. The difference though is I actually want a relationship with my brothers and their idiocy makes it difficult to do that. So, it's not as simple as saying that you wanting to avoid your father is you holding a grudge. I see a grudge as being a lot more petty (ex. he was rude to me before and I'm still angry) as opposed to a more natural avoidance (ex. He has caused me injury either physically or emotionally and I'm weary).

I found that my mother would say that I'm holding a grudge against my father because she was in denial about how bad it was. After slowly coming to the accept that there is actually something wrong with my father, that talk just dropped and she no longer pushed me to try to have a relationship with him. It bothers me to see people pressured to "forgive" someone who has injured them (tell them that it was fine or that it's understandable) or that some people give a passive-aggressive forgiveness as a way to jab back. That's not healing.

I think what you need to work out for your own health is how bothered you are about how your father treated you. Is this something you want to confront him directly about? Is this something you can resolve with a therapist? Do you want to try to have a relationship with your father? Those are the questions you should ask yourself.