Snakecharmer you are a Godsend to me. You reply a lot to my posts and seem to have lots of experiences and knowledge. How very kind of you to have visited her and I am sure you earned your angel wings.

I sort of do visit for those reasons, He did make sure I had things even during the awful times. He did not let me go homeless for any length of time and my sister orchestrated a lot of the whole kicking me out scenario. I fear that she is just evil...different story.

There is a lotta lotta bad history between me and my dad. When I visit it gets rather excruciating after 30 min, that is my minimum stay. He will say, don't wait so long before coming back or some such thing. I have been hardly been able to get out anyway for the past 2 years so I am doing the best I can.

I tend to beat myself up about everything so this is just one more area that I condemn myself for. I don't know where the self hatred is going to take me, it seems to have bled into every area of my life.

Thanks again snakecharmer, you are awesome.