You're exactly right by asking "Who cares?" That's what I mean, you are the only one who still cares about you, out of everyone in society, others don't.

That's what I meant when I started this thread. Nobody will care, and when you do something for yourself one day to try and alleviate the pain, they turn around and accuse you of being selfish. They are the selfish ones because they don't give a damn about anyone else and only care about their own happiness. When they call you selfish after you do something to alleviate the dread, are they saying you don't deserve happiness and they do? That seems pretty selfish to me. In other words happiness is for them but not for you. Well, they need a wake-up call, because they don't own and distribute happiness, it's there for anyone to have indiscriminately, not just some people.

It's very possible that therapy and meds don't work. If it works for others, it doesn't mean it'll work for you.

I don't know what it is that would make you happy again, well, even all of us happy again, but we need to find it, whatever it is. It seems it takes time, and just when it looks like you're on the right track, it's takes some more time. But, that's the thing, that's how cynical these things are. It's like you say, 31 years of dread you have been suffering, and then in year 32, suddenly it changes. Maybe this will happen for you, I don't know. But, you got to be here to know if it was going to happen or not.

Hang in there. Let's try and find the change to make our lives happy again.