Quote:
Originally Posted by IDoNotExist
Hi :-).
With regards to school, I had most if not all of your issues as an undergrad. I also had friends with similar issues. My suggestions:
1) Don't overload yourself. You may have to take less classes and finish later. It may seem so staggering to you now, but when you're 45, will you really have cared about 1 more year?
I'm having this issue now. A lot of times we don't want to think of ourselves as "lessors." But it's okay to just accept that we don't have the emotional fortitude of most people. We can develop this as we get older, but in school, we have to accept our limits. Remember, it's a SHORT time in the grand scheme of things.
A lot of school isn't about being the smartest ; it's about handling stress.
2) Don't try to be TOO helpful. People with low self worth try to be as helpful as possible to give themselves worth. You may notice that others are using you over time. It's okay to be selfish sometimes.
3) It's OKAY to fail classes and repeat them as an undergrad; it means a lot less than you think!
The mantra "Do good in school; it effects EVERYTHING" is a bit misleading. I had a friend who I believe retook a good deal of undergraduate classes at the freshman and sophomore level. Today he is an engineer making more than some "high GPA'ers" combined.
The only time to worry is if you're going for grad. But even then, it means less than you think! A girl I went to school with is doing a PhD at a good school in a subject she at first got a C in.
In grad, people want passion as well--sometimes even more then GPA.
4) See Another Therapist and BE HONEST:
Everything in your spoiler tags NEEDS to be brought up. There's only so much a trained person can tell from your body language and topics you bring up. In fact, you may even want to read to them everything in this post.
It makes a huge difference. You may only be giving signs of minor problems when they may be indeed bigger.
5) Find friends like you; go to club meetings etc.
I'm such a loner. But that was okay as I found other loners. I found the weird people, sometimes through events or clubs. Also, having online friends is fine and may be better suited for you. Friends don't have to be in your class, major, or even immediate presence to be helpful emotionally.
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1) Hopefully it will be only 1 additional semester, but for that I need to pass everything, that feared subject too which is only held in spring semester. A part of the exam has been changed a bit since last year and it seems less impossible now.
What I'm more afraid of is telling all this at home. I'm sure I will get something like this "You're stupid, stop that" or whatever...I don't care anymore.
I just can't seem to accept this myself, I don't think it will be accepted at home either...that I'm kind of limited...
I think I understand it - in my uni it's actually rare that you get a good grade because you studied enough...there are many subjects where you study a LOT just to pass, just to get that 50% or 60% or whatever it takes to pass it finally. It isn't about good grades anymore. I used to feel guilty just for getting a B instead of an A, but now I'm struggling for a freaking D and I'm studying even more than in some subjects where I got As. Well, I may have gotten better grades since year 1 on uni if I hadn't had terrible exam fright from the beginning (since high school)...I'm kind of unable to handle stress.
And you're absolutely right, finishing uni later won't sound as bad years from now than at the moment. Actually, many of my groupmates at uni (we went to the same seminars so we know each other a bit...I'm not sure whether I should call them friends though) are also finishing later, not because of burnout, but because they also failed at such subjects which are held yearly so they either finish 1 or 2 semesters later.
2) You've just described me with the 2nd sentence. I feel I'm useful when I'm helping others. Maybe some of them are using me, or used me already, but some of them also helped me, e.g. they sent some useful notes when I missed a lecture or told me information I couldn't find on my own. I think I won't accept more requests though, only if they are asking for notes I already have. Sending it takes only a minute.
3) Ohhh I heard that mantra so many times! I got this before the high school leaving exams: "We don't want to pressure you but your LIFE depends on these exams." You can imagine how I was before and on the days of the exams.
Still, there are some subjects which are almost like life-or-death. I had one like that last semester (and thankfully passed), and I have another one this semester. If I don't pass, I will finish 1 full year later. I don't want that. Really. I just want to finish uni already and leave this place.
(I'm glad it turned out so well for him! It was useful retaking those classes then.)
I don't think I want to study on a higher level, I have a career plan which doesn't even need my uni degree either, still it could be something I'm going to be passionate about. (I mean I want to work at a certain company, but first I need to learn some new skills. I can't wait to start studying them...I just have no idea how this burnout thing will affect everything.)
4) This is also a part I'm uncertain about. I will need to check if anything is available at uni, I don't know...
You might be right here as well. Ever since high school, I've been hiding all this as well as I could. Even when I went to the counsellor back then, I just felt a bit better because someone would listen to me, then of course I didn't look as if I had serious issues, then sometimes after that I collapsed again on the inside. It would be difficult to show anything I think...
5) I've never been a social person, I've never attended a uni event either...those events were mostly parties, loud music etc., exactly what I don't like. I have a few online friends and I really like them, but sometimes it would be great if they could give a real-life hug when I really need one...I don't know if I will have any friends with whom I will meet sometimes after finishing uni.
Thanks so much for your suggestions again, I will think about them!
