Nushi,

This forum is how i am trying to help others. It helps me and in return they help me. This is outside of the box for me being here.

I have tried to look for volunteer work and i asked around. I can only do it around where i can walk. I am not from here so i don't know the area and the fact that i hate being here is not good. I try to be okay with being here as my friend took me in. I try to look at the positive although i know how i feel about being here. I can't seem to make my mind to move as i have great support here from my friend and i know i am a support to her too. The support is more important now as it is my only support.

And it took a lot of effort for me to ask around to do volunteer work so even though it didn't work out, i am proud i asked.

First thing is that you need to get rid of that fear that your money will run out and then no medication because it didn't happen and you are living in the future of fear. You don't want to do that. You have medication. Know that you have it and have faith or believe there is a way it is taken care of. I don't know what that medication is for. You need to focus on being grateful for that and all the little things.

It seems you have a strong mind. There are the exercises to keep your mind positive. It takes a lot of work.

And about work...it was hard for me to get work in my field. I am older and i didn't work in the field for a while as a lot if bad things happened to me in the last 9 years. All my dreams got crushed. It is really hard for me to get back in the field. It is very hard not being wanted being back in the field. So i come to a place i didn't want to. The job i was sort of promised didn't work out and then i took a job that is very labor and physical which i am not used to. I am used to office jobs so what i am doing now is very hard for me. So it isn't that easy for me. I have to fight the depression to get through. I am grateful that i have a place and that there are nice people around. Whatever it is you need to find something to be grateful for. Depression and negative talks are almost always running in my head so i work very hard to focus out if it.

It sounds like you have a lot going for you. I think it seems that you need to keep telling your mind about that. And keeping active seems to work for you. Do you take time out to see what works for you and keep telling yourself about it? And probably is the field for you.

And it seems that the quiet moments are not your friend. Do you consider yourself friends with yourself? Have compassion for self? This i am working on.