Justy:

I am a food addict who is struggling to maintain a 70 pound weight loss (and I have been maintaining for the last 14 years). While I am really attempting to understand your ‘space’ (and thanks for being so honest), I do understand mine.

Besides having a love-affair with food (my solace, friend and ‘feel good place’ during an abusive childhood) I have learned that my eating was ALSO about control, rebellion, resistance. After all, woman aren’t allowed to have BIG appetites!! Of course, I was out to prove THAT wrong! And at times when the world seemed to be having its way with me, I chose to control what I could…food.

Perhaps the purging is YOUR control…your way of justifying the ‘empty’ inside. After all, you ‘feel’ empty, why not BE empty?? I know for me, I had to really figure out what I was FEELING before I could control my behavior. I knew I was feeling ugly, unwanted and literally ‘hungry’ (STARVING) for comfort and love. I got that ‘filled up’ feeling from food…

I now know that I have places to go and people in my life to call upon when those ‘ugly, hungry’ feelings bubble to the surface again.

I am healing daily, I am at a normal body weight and I will not go back to obesity.

Justy—you can do this. Find a good mentor, source of support, or therapist. You have the power to rise above this…and the process is amazing!!!

J