To me, it sounds like you definitely need to take some time to work on yourself. I worry about people to minimize their own experiences because someone els somewhere had it worse. Someone always has it worse, but that doesn't mean you had a healthy marriage. It sounds like a pretty classic case of emotional blackmail/abuse. I mean, it doesn't shock me AT ALL that you lost interest in sex. It's hard to want to be intimate with/vulnerable around someone who is abusive toward you. I think it would be a great idea, like Trippin said, to do some therapy to build up your confidence and work through these nightmares you're experiencing.