Hugs! This month is 3 years since my mom died. For most of my life, I saw her as this shining light. Somehow, even when things were bad, it was never her fault, she was never to blame. Over the last few years, I've been coming to terms with the fact that she had a victim mentality - things always happened to her, they were never her fault. I think this contributed to me never seeing any faults in her.

Well, now that some time has gone by, I've had time to reflect more on all the years. I'm realizing what a failure she was to me as a mother, and to herself as a person. I didn't have the physical abuse from her, but she was like an emotional vampire, living off me and living through me.

I can't even begin to fathom your pain, but I want you to know you're not alone and that, for whatever it's worth, I care.

As for having to relive it over and over again, I hope that it will be for you like it is for me - slowly getting better with time. Last week, I had a dream with her in it where, for the first time, I didn't wake up crying and upset. Instead of being in the sh[t hole house that I grew up in, still wallowing in filth and sick, she was in a nice house, and she seemed like she was doing better, maybe even on her way to being happy. (A nice change of pace from the horrible dreams I'd always had up till this point.) I hope it gets better for you. Hugs again.