Quote:
Originally Posted by vital
Hi there,
I think going to see your M.D. is the right move. You should tell him/her everything, maybe even send this post to your doc ahead of time, just so you don't forget anything. clonazepram (which is an SSRI by the way) may be causing you problems including sleep problems. I'm really pretty sure that you shouldn't be taking large quantities of that or any drug based on how you are feeling on a particular day. You've got to be super-steady and have a plan with this kind of stuff. It sounds like you are also taking something for ADD and/or for narcolepsy and, if so, I'm sure it's possible that such meds may be causing you problems, especially if you take them erratically.
I really get the impression that you are in a stress spiral. Stress causes your brain to shut down which causes problems at work which causes more stress, and so on... While you wait for your Doc appointment, try to find some way, any way, to calm down.
You say you can't stay in the present moment, but this is really essential. Here are some ways to try.
Try a guided meditation
Listen to some Eckhart Tolle stuff on the web:
Just count your breaths until you get to 100.
Go for a walk.
Try "SNAP CLUB" as described here:
http://forums.psychcentral.com/depre...n-escaped.html
Give yourself a time to do this when you don't have anything to do and when you can drop your worries about your job.
 - vital |
I really want to be steady but I'm so unsteady and inconsistent all of the time. I feel good sometimes, then I feel bad. Today, I had no stress from work issues at all, but yet I was getting paranoid thoughts thinking that everyone knows about me and are they talking about me etc. They have all been very nice. But I am my own worst enemy at not wanting, or knowing how to act or talk to people at all in person. Unless I am joking around. I wish people had more sense of humor. Hell I wish I did.
I read The Power of Now and it changed my life back when I read it. Now I can't remember anything of it, and I don't even know how to get it back...where I was in the present moment. My head thinks so many thoughts. I am unable to stay in the present moment which causes me problems in social situations where I am thinking so many things and watching them interact and trying to figure things out about how they are interacting that I miss what they are actually saying. Those people are all in the moment, and I am observing and watching and I feel mute. I feel like I can't talk. It is hard to talk unless I know someone has something in common with me. I always feel that I communicate with music, but others cannot relate to that, so I feel lost among other people. I feel so alone in this universe during those times.
I stopped taking the medication all together but I feel like I need to go back on celexa. I feel really up and down. Some days I feel great, some weeks I feel great...then I go back down again. I cannot figure it out. I've been trying to figure it out for all my life. I don't know. I can't know. So I guess I need to try to find my way back to the now. Maybe I need to start working out or something. I have to do something to get back on track. The hardest part is that I always feel like I need a stimulus mentally. I need to do something to keep my brain occupied.
But anyway, you had good suggestions. I've fogotten how to take it easy and live simply. I try to take on too much. I'm going to try something different. One thing that has been helping me in the past week, has been coming to this forum and getting some answers and seeing things more clearly. I don't feel so alone or so unique in my troubles.