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Old Mar 04, 2015, 12:09 AM
Yismymindblank12 Yismymindblank12 is offline
Poohbah
 
Member Since: Sep 2013
Location: Cincinnati
Posts: 1,091
Ok. I've gone through hell all my life. I'm not coping if you read my previous posts you'll know, but I feel if the end of this pain will be when I'm dead. Then I just want to be here anymore.

I can't live and die in hell. If I have some control of the **** that I deal with at least how I want my happiness to be now and my own choice how I want to die. My final wish is not die in a hospital or in an nursing home I able to take care of myself. I believe suicide will do that for me when I'm ready. It may not be till 10 20 years. Regardless if it happens it happened how I wanted it to. That would make happy at my last moments.

You really need to see what I see. I can't stop crying now and I can't breathe I can't stop hurting so much. I try to make it easier and damn I just want to die. Please say whatever sentiment whatever you disagree and condemn me. Calling me a coward or selfish. I've been selfless all my life for ungrateful people who I never listen to. I'm a rebel because I like solutions over problems but I don't have any solutions so far and suicide isn't my answer for my problems but damn I really need someone to see how deprived I am here. Before they lose what they hurt the most.

When you're outcasted by everyone even family for silly reasons. I don't do drugs I don't waste my time in a hard worker and no matter what I give. I'm scorned and hated. I deserve no love it seems. All I feel I need to find something. Suicide wont help on many things but on one important issue of nulling my pain, but whatever happens happens. I can't live like this no one cares here. No one will. I ****ing love you and I ****ing hate you.
You didn't cause me to be like this I lost my way after you my family my friends my past lovers and my mother shown me how indifferent and selfish and hateful people can be.

Like one friend told me, they'll pity me more no one cares really. I hate you for reminding me this.

Damn my tears mu hyperventilating and my hell of losing my loved ones my own life 3 times and I hope to god I don't lose my ability to function if my body fails. I can't deal with this. All I hate to see my fog die the only creature who I call friend when he dies and when my last close friend moves away soon when my mother dies or when my parents lose it all and I'm homeless idk I don't need to worry but I'm prepared to die to escape to avoid hunger, frostbite. And my loneliness.

Last edited by Wren_; Mar 04, 2015 at 01:51 AM. Reason: Added trigger icon
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