Thank you so much for your replies. I could tell they came straight from your hearts and that means so much to me.

Stopdog- You make me smile. Thanks for your thoughts.

Soccer Mom - You've done some really great work and should be proud of yourself. I am very aware of where this stems from and that's were the terror lays. I will keep pushing through the defenses because I really want to feel free.

Ali - You have a great doctor and sound like you've done some wonderful work. I love hearing about great progress. I will look at Antwone Fisher. It is the caring that is foreign and scary to me but I am starting to allow it bit by bit.

Restin - I will read up on paternal transference. My T is rock solid and a master at his profession. He's make mistakes but we always work through them and agree that that is where much growth has taken place. He actually says he learns from me frequently.....wow!