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Originally Posted by stopdog
I am glad you are feeling so good about it.
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I appreciate your reply, stopdog. I know you don't want your T anywhere near you, but for me, it's therapeutic. My T is a regular person and I care about her enough to call it love. She cares about me enough to say love also. She's not made of stone, but flesh and blood, just like we all are! Her love serves as a role model for me though it's taken a long time! Yes, I feel good that I can apply what I learn from her to my real life!!
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Originally Posted by musinglizzy
I NEVER in a million years thought my T would have been one to say "I love you." Ever. But, she has...yet for the first time, she said it as leaving today. She'd only ever written it before, in a text or Email. She said it to me while I was hugging her at the end of session.
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I'm happy for you, musinglizzy. I never thought my T would express love to me, either. She even told me that, early in therapy! People change, even Ts!
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Originally Posted by SallyBrown
Rainbow, this is awesome! Good for you! Life IS short. Reach for those connections while you can. It IS real growth for you to reach out to those who really need your support.
Try not to worry too much about how T chooses to word "love". As you said, love is love. It may be a boundary specific to therapy, it may be her own personal boundary -- it's hard to say, as expressing love is also highly personal. But she does send love, and that's what's important.
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Yes!! Thanks, Sally. A few weeks ago I told my T about the expression " therapy love" and she liked it. But I changed my mind and told her in my email. We both know what we mean (it's not like my part who used to be IN love with her), so why not just say "love.". It's not the scary word it used to be for me. It's a beautiful word.
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Originally Posted by brillskep
I'm really glad to hear your good news. Keep it up! It does sound like very real growth.
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Thank you, brillskep. Holding my husband's hand is a huge step too. We were sort of stuck but I think we're back on track now. He has a terminal illness so it's very important we work on our relationship while we can.
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Originally Posted by Soccer mom
Yay! You sound like me! I've never expressed my feelings to friends or family but will say "I love you" back. I found that when I told some friends about my therapy, they said how much more open I was to them. That, I guess, gave them "permission" or allowed them to feel more comfortable telling me their feelings towards me. It has been very eye opening/healing/etc. So, just like you, I felt if I say this to FRIENDS, why wouldn't T. fall in that category.
I remember last summer feeling in love with her but my mind never wanted to admit/say I love her. It's like it's couldn't connect the two or something. Then, about 2 months ago I left her office feeling and knowing that I loved her. It was the first time I guess my mind allowed it? Anyway, the next session I told her I loved her and then quickly looked away. She asked me why it was so hard to say. I said I don't need or expect to hear it back - I can just tell the way she looks at me. She nodded and grinned and said something about showing it vs saying it.
Yay! We've made progress! We are supposed to try out things on our T. so we can go out in the world and practice our change. For me, that means actually telling my T. my feelings without fear so telling her this was a huge step. I haven't said it since and actually went through a period of regretting it. I still haven't said it first to a friend and one friend said she can't wait for the day when I do. |
I am so happy for both of us! I know we have some similar issues, and I agree that therapy is a place to try things out! I have been so embarrassed and afraid to express love to most people, except to my kids. That has always flowed freely. I'm still a work in progress, as my former T used to say, but I'm getting there. So are you!
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Originally Posted by Lovable Nut
This post was so good to read! I am happy for you. I am in the throes of this right now and it is terrifying. I wish he would just come out and say he loves me. He beats around the bush every time I start walking this tightrope and than I retreat. That's it! I am putting it on the table tomorrow once and for all!
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Thank you! I just want you to be aware that not all Ts will tell a client that they love them. In fact, most won't. My T used to say "I care deeply for you" but wouldn't use the word "love." She won't say "I love you" directly but she doesn't have to. I just don't want you to be hurt by semantics. Good luck tomorrow. I hope it goes well.