It was overstepping the mark, I think? She gave something not sustainable, not realistic, something pretending to be more than it was.

I believe she meant it at the time - but being a therapist, and not a girlfriend, should have meant that she did not indulge her own feelings and say all that stuff to me. Because it could only end up one way, as it was a therapy relationship?

When I was seeing her once every five days, for example - I was ok with that. Whenever I said I loved her, I was not really expecting her to say it back but at the same time it felt like I was invited, because it was her who started to put kisses on the ends of texts and use the words 'much love' in correspondance with me, which seeded the idea that love was okay and welcome.

It was a conversation late on New Year's Eve, where she was banging on about it being a special time of year, and how we could say special things to each other...and I didn't say it (though had written it) and later that night she sent me a text that to my mind sealed everything. It went on about how I enriched her life, it was better for me being in it, had seventeen kisses and called me her sweetheart for the first time.

When I returned to London, I called her and said I felt so loved and was confused, because surely it couldn't be? She said yes, sometimes we are lucky enough to meet the people who love us back, and who would say it first?

It was shortly after this she suggested dramatically upping the sessions.

That all just feels so wrong now. Like I say, I believe she meant it at the time - but a professional with 20 years experience should know better than to get embroiled in a very intense, enigmatic sort of love like this. It feels very clear that it was all primarily about meeting some need of hers. It was lovely, and yes it was healing, but it ain't therapy!

So, those expressions of love were not hers to give, in her role as therapist.

I don't know, I am literally so confused by it all, am I making no sense?