My low end cycle involves paranoia

It starts out as a mild irritation at people and builds to actively thinking my friends are mocking me, doing things to hurt me and so on

When I am at the highs, I can recall my behaviour at the low but at the low everything seems so certain

It is the old monkey brain vs. logical brain. With depression the deeper, more rawly emotional, survival instinct rooted monkey brain dominates the logical

The only way I have survived to date is because I have created a logical stronghold. This operates much the same way as most coping mechanisms; it enables me to get by and endure but not get better