inmaine, Hello and welcome to PC. It is nice to meet you. You are asking some pretty interesting questions. I think that you have narrowed down a few problems that you may have. I am not a mental health professional so I can only guess at this. It does sound like there are perfectionistic approaches and some OCD. I see some sort of anxiety here. It may not be social anxiety per say but there does seem to be a component of that in how you approach things. You seem to have a very methodical way to approach people. I would see a therapist and talk about this with them. It is the only way to get the answers that you are hoping for. Good luck with this.

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