Quote:
Originally Posted by Brown Owl
The way I look at the love I have is this - my therapy has somehow shown me that I have this capacity for deep love for others, it's let that emotion emerge. Even though it felt like it was directed at my T, that love was within me and I can share it with whoever I like, family, friends, strangers on the tube, the old man who lives next door. The love is really not about my T. Would it help to view your love for your T as something that can be redirected? It is a positive thing that you gave that capacity for love.
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I'm sure it can be directed elsewhere and it will, down the line. I did know beforehand I was capable of deep love, so wasn't really concerned about that. Being poly, I also never bought into the notion that there's just one person for us all - I think there are a few. What pisses me off is now I feel doubtful of whether I am still poly or not.
I originally was attracted to poly because it seemed like a great way to have several meaningful relationships with people I love, and then this thing with my T...as I say, I'm not even sure what it was, but it began to enter my head that if I was capable of loving somebody like that, maybe I wanted to settle down with one person (not her, but I mean I was surprised by how intensely I focused on one person) and become monogamous again. I feel more uncertain of myself, as to what I want.
I suppose overall I feel I was emotionally hijacked. I don't think I would say 'I wish it never happened' but it has left me SO much more confused in a million ways, instead of it being a place to untangle stuff out for myself. That's grossly unfair.