I can definitely relate to that. I'm terrified to cry in front of others, almost like a phobia actually. I see a therapist and one session was right after I lost one of my closest family members and I didn't shed a tear. She was so shocked, but little did she know that I cried before to the point I couldn't breathe and even now, a few months after, I still cry myself to sleep. She knows the fear and always tells me it's normal to cry but no matter what I cannot cry in front of others. I just feel so weird and weak in front of someone who isn't crying.