I have felt the same way, but, I did finally bring it up to my T about a month or so ago. It has helped me to feel understood, and has also taken a bit of power away from the sui thoughts.

Fortunately, my T will discuss this situation openly with me. Some T's will not. They are advised to skirt around the subject as they believe talking about this may be a form of encouragement for some. So if you do bring up the subject and your T brushes you off, do not take offense.

I understand your pain, and I do pray you can find relief from these deceiving thoughts.