I've seen quite a few threads here regarding cases where one partner has a higher sex drive than the other and the problems that they are facing. Since Mrs. Webgoji and I are going through the same issues I thought I would put into words how I dispute the experts advice.

In my case the problem is relatively simple. Pristiq. Mrs. Webgoji began taking Pristiq about 6 months ago and her libido immediately dropped to near zero. This is starting to cause friction between us now. I won't boar (bore?) everyone with the details, but I thought I did want to counter the experts based on my own experience.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...gher-sex-drive

When one wants sex more than the other | Understanding sexuality | Sexual Health | SexualityandU

Above are just a couple sets of advice. Now regarding the general advice:

I've even repeated this one. But the more I deal with the same issue, the more I've come to realize this isn't correct. A relationship is a partnership of 100%/100%. Regardless of whether it is sex or cooking or changing diapers, when one partner isn't willing to reach a compromise and work with the other, it's very personal. Sex drive specifically is something partners should work through together and simply dismissing it as this partner or that partner's issue is dismissing the role of sex in the relationship.

I see this one a lot. When you are sexually excited by your partner, this one can be a recipe for disaster. In my case, the sound of Mrs. Webgoji breathing at night or how she smiles or how she looks under her big, frumpy nightshirt are a major turn-on for me. Throw in snuggling and I'm a mess. If I don't avoid that intimate contact, I have to default to #3 below.

Tread carefully with this one. It can breed resentment. Seriously. When your partner moves from a living, breathing person to a fantasy object I can personally vouch that they move from that area of closeness in your mind to being "just like that hot chick/dude on the street". You know what you're imagining isn't real and isn't going to be real and that's where it starts; needs and wants not aligning with reality. Now don't get me wrong, this is a great stopgap when you know sex is coming soon. But like many of us, when you don't know if it's coming this weekend or month or at all, it can become a source of resentment.

I don't know about everyone else, but merely mentioning this has been disaster for me. Mrs. Webgoji wants the spontaneity ... of ... I guess not doing it. Scheduling it or trying to discuss a day we can plan on sex has been met with a big NO. I guess if seeing it on the calendar doesn't cause the partner with the lower libido to cringe and dread that day then it can work ..?

So overall, I think the general advice fails to address the real problem. That there's a relationship issue that needs work. All of the other, in my opinion, is merely trying to band-aid a lack of compromise, communication and desire to put our partner's needs and wants high on our priority list.