"If you want things to be healthy between the two of you, you have to drop the expectations. He is who he is, and you can't somehow change or fix it for him. The best way you can help with that is to accept him and the situation as it is.

If this is the second forum that sees you as treating him like a project, then you may want to really look at that within yourself instead of just trying to rationalize that you aren't. If you want to help fix or change him, then he's a project to you. It's sort of the "White Knight/Knight in Shining Armor" persona.

If I felt like I was dragging someone down so much that I was now a project to them... I would bolt. If I ever change, it's because of me - it's my responsibility. Someone else can't do that for me.

Take a look at the language you've used in this thread:

"deal with"
"forced the issue"
"I know if I don’t help him..."
"mental disease" (it isn't a disease, it's a disorder. Diseases are contagious or caught from something...)
"I am putting my own feelings behind.."

These key words and phrases point out that you're treating him as a project, as something that needs fixed/changed, as someone who is "less" than you.

Do you mean those things? Probably not outwardly. But he's probably picking up on the same vibe that those of us responding have.

It doesn't mean that you're a bad person, btw. Not at all. You do clearly care about him! But you're unintentionally pushing him away, just like when you forced the issue of meeting on him.