Yes, me too. This is kind of my theme tune at the moment.

It is the same therapist. Yes, she did actually do me wrong - it's not just a claim. It is an unrealistic expectation for her to do that stuff with me now, but it hasn't always been. She said she would do all these things with me over the course of the relationship, and said we never had to be out of each other's lives for good.

When I was in at a very low ebb last week coping with assault memories, I first of all asked could I come back for some help with it - she said no, and I got all bereft and sent another email asking could she clarify on her earlier statements about doing these kinds of things in the future, and having a lifelong relationship.

I appreciate it is difficult to understand, but I still love her a lot while simultaneously being deeply hurt by her and knowing it's all a complete mess. I miss her so much, and can't quite comprehend that I can't engage with this person anymore. Like, I had a very successful morning and am in a great mood, and there's still a slight tinge of sadness there that I can't text her my news.

I can control myself enough not to get in touch with her most of the time, but when I hit a weak spot I just want to talk to her, and I think **** it I have nothing to lose anyway, and I have not reported her yet. So last week I emailed her. Obviously, I need to find the brakes to stop myself.