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Originally Posted by mian síoraí
I'm glad to hear how much that helped.
I don't know. I'm going to try to talk to him.
I called some other therapists. I wasn't interested in any of them but pushed aside my feelings to make one appointment with someone who at least had good credentials but am really worried because of what Puzzlebug said. Who in the world would want me to be their client? Someone who needs a reduced fee, strong borderline traits, and actively suicidal.
I'm concerned that actively seeking help will make me feel worse because of all the rejection that will leave me feeling more isolated. Yet not seeking help won't help either. Maybe the latter is the less of 2 evils and the feelings will pass on their own.
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I think if you're upfront about your issues and they agree to take you as a client then there is probably a decent chance of them not turning you away for disclosing those thoughts. I found that several therapists (and these were pretty far away from where I live because there are no therapists close by) were focused on being short term therapists and not interested in dealing with someone who had severe trauma and severe issues. I think therapists should be upfront about not being able to handle these types of problems.
For me, the times I actually tried to kill myself I did not reach out at all before. I tend to think that talking about suicidal thoughts is not manipulative and it is sad to think that some think that. I would not want a therapist who believes that.