Quote:
Originally Posted by mian síoraí
Do you talk about it with your therapist?
I guess I don't feel safe telling him. I always tell him when I feel like i'm going to die, or want to die, but usually that's it.
There's been times I have been really suicidal during our therapy, and I feel so alone that I can't talk with him about it. Right now is one of those times.
One time he asked me about it further, and I said "we don't need to discuss the details". I just didn't want him to know. Part of me doesn't want him to worry; another part is that I don't want to see him not care when I tell him. Another part is too ashamed to talk about it. Yet another, is I worry he will think i'm being dramatic or faking or trying to get attention.
So I cry in silence.
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I hold back a bit with my sui feelings as well sometimes, but mostly because I don't want my t or pdoc to think I need to go to the hospital (again).
For the most part, however, I've found that with all the t's and pdocs I've had that they are quite reasonable about it; they don't scare easily and if I tell them it's just thoughts, they believe me.
As for him worrying, you might have to accept that he will worry a little. After all, you're his patient! At the same time, most t's are experienced with all manner of sui ideations and thoughts and can worry in a "professional" way without it impacting them too heavily.
As for him not caring, I don't know your t, but if he doesn't care that you are having sui thoughts, you need a new t. Just remember that he may not show it too much on the surface--he needs to remain professional and not freak you out.
As for being ashamed to talk about it, this is rough. But there's nothing to be ashamed of--and if you can't talk about these feelings with your t, who CAN you talk about them with?
As for being dramatic and faking for attention, I go back to the "t's have experience with this." Does your t know you well? Are you usually prone to faking feelings, etc. for attention? If not, it's doubtful he will think this is the case. If so, just make sure when you discuss it that he knows this is more than a cry for help and you need to be taken seriously.
I'm sorry you are struggling with this. Hold on!
