(((hugs))) ErinBear, I think by all means continue writing. Working things out in your journal can help you know what you need to talk about the next session with your T. You don't necessarily need to bring the writing into the session with you, but doing it on your own can help so much too. As others have mentioned, you could just bring index cards in with some main points to cover to serve as prompts for you, in case your mind goes blank.

One of the huge motivators for me to talk in therapy is that I am paying 100% of the therapy fees myself, and I don't want to see my cash trickle away by sitting there and not talking. I want to move forward. So even though I am quite introverted, I really try to make as efficient use of therapy as I can. But that's just me and may not fit your situation.

There are times I have not been able to say certain things to T that are important, like past traumatic memories. I have even written out little conversations in my journal and said them outloud to myself several times in a row to help myself be ready to speak the words in therapy. When that approach hasn't worked, I sometimes will focus on building the therapeutic relationship so I feel more comfortable sharing the really tough stuff. So we may spend time in therapy just talking about other stuff and sharing with each other to build up our alliance. It helps.

Yesterday in therapy, I did reach a place in mid-sentence where I got completely stuck and my throat did close up and conversation came to a screeching halt. What I was about to share with T was just too painful, and it took me by surprise. But I know him and me well enough to know we can get through this. So I just sat a few minutes and felt the hurt, and in his silence I felt his patience and willingness to receive what I had to say. And then I pushed on and said the painful thing, and he held my hurt and gave me empathy. And we got through it. And it was fine. But it has taken us quite a few months to get to that point.

ErinBear, have you thought of taking a step back and sharing with your T on less difficult topics, so you can build trust and comfort with each other? Can you share this problem with him and brainstorm together on how to work on this issue?