I feel horrible.

Today was the first day in weeks that I was able to stay at work almost the whole day. I broke down crying once, wore headphones most of the time, and could barely concentrate enough to get anything completed. It was a victory that feels like a failure.

Then I went out to dinner with my friend (she kinda forced me) and broke several days of fasting. Now I feel physically ill and am plagued with negative thoughts.

All I can think of is SI, but I'm trying so hard not to do anything.