Hello yagalada: What you wrote here sounds familiar. There are a number of memoir-type books that have been written either by trans persons themselves or by spouses. In all of them I have read, what you're going through is something that frequently, if not always, seems to occur to one degree or another. It might be instructive for you to read a couple of these. You might check out: Wrapped in Blue by Donna Rose, She's Not There- A Life in Two Genders by Jennifer Finney Boylan, or My Husband Betty by Helen Boyd. They would at least give you the sense that you are not alone in what you are experiencing.

Unfortunately, I don't know that there is much advice I can offer. From my perspective, this is something that tends to come with the territory. I, of course, don't know how old the two of you are, how long you've been married, or how long this "trans" thing has been going on. And others may dispute this... but in my experience, many couples simply do not manage to stay together when one of them is trans & begins the transition process. Ultimately, this is the reality the two of you may have to face. Some couples counseling around these issues might be helpful if your spouse would be willing to participate in something of this sort... and if you can find affordable services. Sometimes there are free or income-based services available from not-for-profit organizations.

From my perspective, what you wrote about feeling as though your spouse should get a higher paying job to help pay for such things as gold adidas, etc. sounds perfectly rational to me. However, at the same time, I also know that the "transsexual imperative" (the overwhelming drive to live as the person one knows oneself to be on the inside) is so strong it can swamp everything else once it is released. Again, from my perspective, I would have to say that ultimately you are going to have to do whatever it is you must do to protect yourself & your kids in this situation.

Once the transsexual genie has escaped from the bottle, so to speak, there's no putting it back inside... at least not for very long. There is a saying I sometimes quote, here on PC. It is: if you want to know which way the bullet is going... look down the barrel of the gun. Re-read what you have written here & you can see where things are headed. That is, I fear, the stark reality of the situation.

My best wishes to you...