I went to the ER last night. I'm taking an antibiotic and it got stuck in my throat and dissolved causing extreme pain. The doctor actually prescribed lidocaine to help relieve the pain.

Anyways, while in the waiting room, my Pdoc walks into the ER in labor. She had her baby 5 hours ago.

I don't know why she was at that hospital. There's one closer to where she lives.

I am happy for her: happy she had her baby, he's beautiful, and he's healthy.

But I wish I didn't see her. For one, I hate seeing people out in public. It causes me a lot of anxiety. Two, all it did was bring up all the pain I felt with the way we left things. It reminded me how much I missed her.

This just adds to my depression and feelings of abandonment.

Then group today, the facilitator was there which also reminded me of the lack of support.

I'm not doing good