I am sorry to hear you feel frustrated by your current situation.

For me sex is not as important as intimacy. When somebody has yelled at me there is part of me that feels abused. It is almost impossible to be spontaneous and freely express sexuality when one is around someone who may have abused me, even mentally or emotionally in the past. Maybe there is a way around that with therapy.

In the orient, making love was considered a sacred act that should not be rushed into. A woman is different than a man. A man is ready physically in 5 minutes. A woman may take a half hour or longer to be ready psychologically as well as physically. If it does not feel like the time than just don't attempt intimacy. If your husband rushes into sex, then maybe a talk about timing and the woman's need for a long slow build up could make him a more sensitive man.
If you get to a place and maybe want to be closer physically with your husband, then everything should feel natural and without anxiety.
The ancient chinese set aside a whole afternoon or a couple hours when both people are well rested. They listened to quiet music and spent time in a garden becoming at peace in preparation for intimacy. This could be a beautiful room in your home sharing herb tea (alcohol actually is not a good idea because it makes you lose awareness and can interact with meds)
If all this sounds good to you but unacceptable to your husband, perhaps that is another piece missing in the puzzle that needs to be found. Maybe a therapist might help bridge the gap.
If you want more info about the Chinese traditions you could private message me if you wish more info and link to a 3000 year old text that goes into much more detail.