I agree with you 100%! None of those suggestions have been useful to me in my relationship. Like you said a couple months back, not taking it personally is like not taking it personally when someone stabs you.

Everything my boyfriend does turns me on. His hands, his smile, his voice, when he fixes something, how intelligent he is...I could go on and on. I can't imagine having intimate touch and then lying there sexually frustrated!

I feel like some kind of masturbating fool. But does it help me feel closer to my partner or mend the rifts in our relationship? Absolutely not.

And scheduling. Ah, scheduling. I'd LOVE some scheduled sex. But he says it's too artificial. I guess, like your wife, he'd rather spontaneously NOT have sex.

He refuses to talk about it, saying it makes me sad. He just doesn't get it. I want to talk about it so we can come to some kind of compromise. Who cares if I'm a little weepy during the discussion? That's just me being me. Like I told him five minutes ago, I'd rather be a little sad temporarily than a lot sad permanently. And of course he said nothing. So I left the room in tears.

People who refuse to have sex with their partners need to understand how devastating it is to us. The low self esteem, the confusion, the agony of desiring the person next to you in bed, blaming yourself for the problem. The blame is a big one for me, since nothing seemed to trigger his lack of desire except my own weight gain.

I don't know what the answer is. All I know is the advice doesn't help, and the whole thing just SUCKS.

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