I just wanted to thank everyone for their response and advice. I've really spent some time thinking this over. I do think a large part is the difficult nature of what we are talking about and that I just hide or retreat.

As well, T keeps reminding me she is not the person who abused me. This is so important because I think sometimes I retreat to non answer teenager mode because I think she is going to hurt me and that is how I defend myself.

Thanks again everyone.