In direct answer to your question about how do you do this ... and do therapy.

It might be a good idea to work on wrapping up therapy instead of trying to do any kind of deep work if he could be going at any time. Wrapping up could include a discussion of where you were when you started, what progress you've made and what problems remain to work on in the future on your own, with another T or in support groups. An honest analysis. He may also be able to help you in the process of finding another T, especially after looking at both your progress and remaining problem areas. It's possible you may benefit from looking at a whole new kind of therapy or different direction because some problems have become less intense and others have been uncovered.

It's also okay to stay in a holding pattern, overtly and openly, until he leaves. Sometimes we can use regular support to help us use what we've already learned in therapy. Maybe no new progress will be made, but it's vital to maintain whatever has already been learned and to get support from T in making sure there's no backsliding or regression during the difficult time of waiting for him to go.

Doing grief work might also be important, even if it's only learning about the normal process of grief over a loss. Guilt feelings are a common part of grief for many people, especially if the loss is bad for us, but good for the other person. We feel guilty for not feeling 100% happy for their good fortune because it's our bad fortune. I went through this recently when my best friend, who lived just a few minutes away from me, moved away to her dream situation.

Fortunately for me -- well, that's completely the wrong way to put it -- let's see ... it didn't take long to get over my distress because I knew how to deal with those feelings. I'd dealt with them before when the only two friends I had, who didn't know each other, both moved to the far opposite corners of the earth in the same week. Both of them suddenly gone in the same week. The people I talked to daily and hung out with and did everything with were simply no longer available because they'd suddenly had opportunities to fulfill lifelong dreams. The said, "Guess what, the most wonderful thing has happened ..." And they were gone just like that, off to follow their dreams while I sat at home gasping.

They were so, so happy. What kind of jerk would begrudge them that? Well, my kind actually, and I had to do some work to get over those bad feelings and feel happy for them. One friend left me totally behind for new interests, but I'm still in contact with the other one 23 years later, although it's not the intense kind of friendship we had in the past. It taught me a lot about the nature of connection and loving someone enough to let them go if that's what's best for them.

As painful as it is, doing that kind of work and doing it with your current T in the time you have left might enrich your life in so many ways. I've read many of your posts, Jane, and you sound like a really nice person, someone with many caring traits.

If you and T can work on this together, as painful as it is for you, the parting may end up being bittersweet for both of you, rather than just bitter and sad. Bittersweet is a fact of life for so many of us in so many ways. Learning to appreciate that and learning how to get beyond the bitter to the sweetness of being glad I once had such good people in my life on a regular basis ... it made life so much better in so many ways. It's helped me deal with other, more permanent losses. It helped me learn how to cope and survive.

I wish you the best and hope you and T can make the best of the time you still have together. I hope it's bittersweet, with an emphasis on feeling the sweet part in the end.