Hi Whiskey Princess, sorry you are feeling so much distress with the BPD and the growing baby. I do understand that you are not making it up. You really are going through this and need a lot of support and are not getting it.

Whenever I hear about thoughts of self harm. you say I don't think it is harmless because I have seen others who have gone down the path of self harm. Stopping now before starting will preserve your dignity and make coping easier. Besides if the doctor sees scars they will know about the self harming. It could risk consequences from that discovery.

I want to believe you when you say you want the baby, but I see many problems that you see too. Your husband is not able to neutralize your emotional outbursts and even fights back. The emotions of having a baby seem to be scary as well as the responsibility of nurturing a baby 24 seven with possibly little help from your husband because of his condition. You are struggling with BPD and just trying to cope.

Friends I know that are in the mental health professions, with an ideal relationship, supportive mothers and motherinlaws, and a good financial environment are struggling to keep up with the changes with the baby. Both are 100% dedicated to each other and the baby. Keeping a relationship together that is hitting some rocky patches can be difficult enough. Adding the baby is going to put a lot more demands on your time and attention.

Seeing how emotional you are now before the baby has even arrived, you might consider going to a doctor or therapist and discussing all the possible options with the pregnancy for your own mental health, preserving your relationship and for the situation with a baby that could be burdensome.