Thank you all for your support and validation, it really does help to normalise these feelings......and needs in relation to them that seem to be surfacing.

It is complicated, and Petra5ed, as you mentioned.....my therapy could end at any time. It is definite that when my T has the position that he wants, he will move away for good. He had an interview last week, and does not know exactly when he will know the outcome, and after that how long the time frame from knowing and leaving may be. If this position doesn't pan out for him.....then we carry on until the next interview etc.

It is incredibly destabilising........I feel I have no stability in the therapeutic relationship now, in as much as when it is going to end. I/we can not even plan how the ending will happen, because it could suddenly not be necessary for a another few months. Gah! I am rambling and probably sharing too much information........

Puzzle bug....I am sorry you have been through a difficult ending too. And you are right...I can't "do" therapy like this, not really.

SnakeCharmer.......thank you so much for your post, and your kind words. Almost all that you have written are things that I have thought about addressing. I do NOT want to be doing any of the deeper work now. I am at the point of traumatic memory/feeling processing, and unfortunately they have been triggered in session(and between) when I specifically do not want to be having them now. But what do you do.....

I would very much like to talk about grief, I have not really done it in the past, I have stuffed and used coping strategies that have been most unhealthy. So even learning this, a healthy way of grieving and what that may be like would be useful.....really it would.

And I do need help with the what's next, as it is terrifying and will need to follow a process that in itself could well be extremely intense and frankly terrifying to me........all with complete strangers.

A bittersweet ending would be the best case scenario......I care about my T and I am fairly sure he cares about me....I hope we can make this as easy as possible.