You mentioned pain again and I'm wondering if you shouldn't try something a little different. Maybe you should talk to your doctor about Vaginal testosterone cream. It is often prescribed for vaginal pain during sex as well as loss of libido during perimenopause or menopause. But it might help you as well. Below is an example of one experience with it and a couple of other articles.

Vaginal testosterone - I love it! | No Ovaries - Yes HRT - Surgical Menopause | HysterSisters

Testosterone and Estrogen Creams to Treat Vaginal Dryness | 34-menopause-symptoms

Testosterone and Its Benefits to Women

Obviously I'm no doctor, or psychologist or even a trash can lid, but it might be another option for you to try?