Hi waterknob
You know that you underneath all those feelings is an amazing person, someone to fight for, right??
Although those feelings might be overwhelming you right now/almost all you can see feel, there is another side, a side you can reach, where those feelings can ease with support. Where you can feel better about yourself/about things around you that you can cherish, that can give you real meaning. Past, beyond, over and above those feelings.
And you have found your way out before, I know it seriously isn't easy, but you do have it in you.
And as for reasons.......I'd say that maybe you do have things which can strengthen you in moving through/finding your way through the way you're feeling........maybe not easily, maybe not quickly but.........things to hold onto........maybe your faith, maybe recognizing your strength, maybe family..........????
But things that are going to have a meaning to you, just keep on the fight to let them come through, hey??

Alison